The various BDSM activities, explained
BDSM covers a wide range of activities, from light restraint to role play. What they share is that everyone involved has agreed to them.
In short
- BDSM joins three pairs of terms: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.
- Fetishes are separate: a strong interest in a material, object or body part.
- Almost half of the 1,027 Belgian adults surveyed had tried at least one BDSM-related activity.
- Every activity depends on agreement beforehand, including how either person can stop.
BDSM is an umbrella term, and the activities under it vary a great deal. Some people enjoy a single one, others enjoy several, and many are into none of them.
What does BDSM stand for?
BDSM joins three pairs of terms: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. The pairs overlap, and one person can enjoy all three.
- Bondage and discipline: being restrained, and playing with rules and consequences.
- Dominance and submission: one person leads and the other follows, within limits both have agreed.
- Sadism and masochism: giving and receiving strong sensation, which the person receiving it has chosen.
Which activities do people mean?
The names below are some of the interests members can choose on Fetish Dating, and each has a plain meaning.
- Bondage: restraint with rope, cuffs or similar.
- Dom, sub and switch: a dom takes the lead, a sub follows, and a switch enjoys both roles.
- Spanking and whipping: sensation given by hand or with an implement, in an amount the receiver has agreed to.
- Roleplay: acting out a scene or a character, such as teacher and student.
- Medical play: scenes built around a medical setting, such as a check-up.
- Dungeon parties: social events where people with these interests meet.
Fetishes sit alongside these. A fetish is a strong interest in a material, an object or a part of the body, such as latex or feet. Plenty of people have a fetish without any BDSM, and the reverse.
How common are these activities?
More common than the stereotypes suggest. A Belgian survey asked 1,027 adults about 54 BDSM-related activities. Of those adults, 46.8% had tried at least one, a further 22% had fantasised about one, and 12.5% took part regularly. Dominant and submissive interests were equally represented, and the two were closely linked.
A wider review of the research reached a similar view. BDSM fantasies were common, at 40 to 70% of people, and about 20% reported taking part. It found little support for the idea that BDSM interest is a sign of a psychological problem.
Holvoet and colleagues, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2017, a survey representative of Belgium's general population; Brown, Barker and Rahman, Journal of Sex Research, 2020, a systematic scoping review.
Agreeing what happens
Every one of these activities depends on agreement beforehand. People usually talk through what they want, what is off limits and how either person can stop. Our safety page covers the tools the site gives you for staying in control.
If you are new, a community of people with the same interests is a place to ask questions, and to go at your own pace.