The privacy benefits of online dating for people with alternative sexual interests
Many people with alternative sexual interests keep them private for good reasons. Online dating can make it easier to meet others without exposing yourself.
In short
- In one interview study, all 20 people with BDSM interests felt those interests were stigmatised.
- In a US survey of 3,058 community members, about 37% reported violence, harassment or discrimination.
- Some people disclose gradually online, or date only within the community.
- Check what a site shows about you: your name, your location and your control over who contacts you.
Privacy is the main reason many people with fetish or kink interests prefer to meet online. The research on why is clear enough, and what a site does with your details matters as much as the idea.
Why privacy matters to people with these interests
Because stigma is real, and many people fear being exposed. In an interview study of 20 adults with BDSM interests, all of them felt BDSM was stigmatised. Telling partners, family, friends or colleagues caused anxiety, and many feared that their interests becoming known at work could cost them professionally.
Bezreh and colleagues, American Journal of Sexuality Education, 2012: interviews with 20 adults who have BDSM interests.
Surveys of people in the community point the same way. In a US survey carried out around 2008, about 37% of the 3,058 people who answered reported violence, harassment or discrimination because of their interests. In a 2025 survey of 543 BDSM and kink practitioners in Chile, nearly 30% reported being treated unfairly in some area of life, and about 12% in healthcare. Both surveys were of people already in the community, so they do not show how common this is in the population as a whole.
Wright, Survey of Violence and Discrimination against Sexual Minorities, National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, about 2008, 3,058 respondents; Catalán Águila, Fernández Agis and Strizzi, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2025, 543 practitioners in Chile.
What online dating changes
It lets you decide how much to reveal, and when. In the interview study, people who told potential partners about their interests often did so gradually, through online conversation or humour, and some limited their dating to people in BDSM communities to avoid rejection.
Meeting people who already share your interests online means you can find them before you share anything about your everyday life.
What to look for in a site
Look at what a site shows about you before you join. Four things are worth checking:
- Whether other members see your real name or email.
- How much of your location is shown.
- Whether you can block someone, and report them, from inside the site.
- Whether identity checks are optional, so you decide what to share.
On Fetish Dating, your real name and email are never shown publicly, and other members see only your nearest town or city, not your address or where you are right now. You can block any member, report members or content from within the site, and ID verification is optional. The safety page explains each one.
What you write in your profile and the photos you add are visible to other members, so how much you share is still your decision.